One of the things I’ve had to deal with since having my 1st baby in 2020 is trying to bridge the gap between loving my body completely as is, flaws, stretch marks, jelly belly and all that goes with having a baby, and wanting that glamourized postpartum ‘mom bod’ you see advertised again and again on Instagram.
This has been extremely tough for many reasons. Being someone who has always dealt with body dysmorphia, I have always felt uncomfortable in my own skin. The result from modelling in the past is a conditioning for a certain physical appearance. I also grew up with the belief that I was stupid (which I know as an adult this was and is not true) because people along the way told me I would get far in life because of my looks. So as a teenager, I thought this meant I am stupid as they didn’t comment on my academic ability, or whether I was a good person. I also constantly obsessed about my appearance, mostly hating it, and not understanding why. That is my story, but the more I share, the more I see just how many women are unhappy in their own skin, flaws and all, purely because of how social media represents what they believe to be ‘beautiful’.
Before I had my first born, Evie, I was at a healthy weight, and I had done lots of self-care work on myself to get to a place of self-acceptance. I was in a great place mentally and for the first time in my life I was happy being me. This took A LOT of work.
I absolutely loved being pregnant. Not all the time mind you, but I was happy to be having a baby with a man I loved. After I had my baby girl, I had PPD, it was during the 1st lockdown, I had no support system (they say it takes a village!), and I hated my postpartum body. My once smooth well-rounded belly which held my precious girl was now jelly like and didn’t fit into my pre-baby clothes or my maternity pants. I ate for comfort and gained another stone during those 1st few months postpartum, which fed into the belief that I was a failure and incapable of caring for myself.
My second pregnancy was much different. I ate healthier and did light exercise throughout. Not only did it make me more aware but it also helped my mental health. I was lighter after my second baby but still almost 2 stone heavier than my pre-baby weight, but I was ok with that. I didn’t have PPD and I was able to truly enjoy my baby and toddler. For those of you who have experienced postpartum depression you know that being able to enjoy your family life is just so magical, and it was!
BUT I WAS CONFLICTED!
Here I was, now a mother of 2 beautiful young girls under 2, and still 2 stone above my prebaby weight. Every evening when scrolling through Instagram, I would see posts about loving and accepting your body after giving birth, and how amazing women are to grow a baby inside them and bring it into this world, to give ourselves a break.
On the other hand, I saw lots of posts with new mothers looking AMAZING, super slim, toned and glowing, asking if we are struggling with our weight after giving birth, and then telling us how quickly it took or how easy it was for them to lose their baby weight and ways to do so. They would have abs, a tiny waist and legs like pins, beautiful no doubt, but now I know for most of us it’s a little unrealistic.
So I really thought about it, not emotionally as I had been all along but practically. I am a full-time SAHM. My husbands working hours are full-on. I just had my second baby, and I was tired! Yes, I could have exercised whenever both babies just happened to sleep at the same time but when that happened, I chose to sleep. That was the self-care I needed at that time.
My husband loves me for who I am, not for how I look. In fact, he loved me more after having my babies because I gave him a family. I’m blessed to have a husband who told me this often. It helped me come to a place of acceptance, and that’s where the key is, acceptance, of my myself exactly where I was at that moment. Once that came, I was able to really let go and just be.
A MESSAGE FOR YOU MAMA!
If you just had your baby, first I want to congratulate you! You are a Goddess in your own right, you housed that baby/babies, kept them safe, nourished them and loved them and when they were ready, they entered this world to meet you. They don’t care about what you look like, they care about being safe, loved and cared for.
If like me, you struggle with body image, please, please be gentle with yourself. For most people it takes time, time to recover and heal from the inside out. You will be so busy with your little loved one and so tired from adjusting to your new life. Take time for you when you can, self-care is different for everyone. For some it’s 5 minutes to just breathe, for others it’s taking a bath or going for a walk.
Take any help that’s offered. This was a tough one for me as I had PPD and was so scared to allow anyone in, but after I had my second baby girl, I accepted help from my mam, my aunt, my friends, those I truly trusted, and it was a Godsend.
Eat as healthy as you can, but if you can’t, don’t worry about it. Like I said before, your whole life has changed and it just takes time. Once I gave myself grace, I naturally started gravitating towards healthier options and found myself going for walks on the farm, it all helps!
Talk to your partner about how you feel. Chances are they will tell you that you are beautiful the way you are, because you are!! And if they don’t, they’re a d*ck! This is about you mama, and how strong, beautiful, and resilient you are even if you don’t feel it right now.
The days are long, but the years are short. I can’t believe I’m saying this because just 2 short years ago I absolutely hated when people said this to me, but here I am with a two-and-a-half-year-old and an 11-month-old and I’m wondering how I got here! I’m still a stone over my desired weight, but I’m in acceptance. I accept my body, I’m a mother of 2 and I don’t need to look like those mom’s on the internet who feed into the belief that our weight determines how beautiful we are, and make us feel like we have somehow failed if we don’t reach our desired weight, as if we don’t have enough mom guilt already!!
Motherhood is hard, if you’re struggling, please get help. Reach out to someone you love, or see a professional who specializes in PPD. It does get easier. O.K. maybe not easier (lol), but better! It gets better! There will be moments, a little smile or a cute giggle, the first steps, first words, or they could be sleeping and while looking at them you’ll get an immense feeling of love, of joy, of bliss. And in those moments, nothing else will matter, especially not your weight.
Did you/Do you struggle with body image? If so, how did this affect you post-birth? I’d love to hear about your experience.
If you enjoyed this blog post, please check out my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/tomotherhoodwithlove/ for more content!
With Love,
Launa xo
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